Witnessing Without a Center

Perhaps this can be helpful to someone. I have noticed recently that when I watch thoughts (content) there is a container (me). But when I watch the activity (not content), there is only witnessing.

This is important because that means that as long as I am engaging in the content the “me” remains. And if I take one step back and watch the movement, witnessing is, without a center. And this witnessing without a center is delicious.

This “take one step back” is really a misnomer. It is not a question of doing anything but simply “not doing.” Engaging in the content is “doing.” To watch without either grasping or rejecting is not doing and it is by watching without engagement that one finds oneself first witnessing the movement without content and when that movement is also witnessed without engagement, then one is Not, and only awareness Is.

-purushottama

From Orange Sunshine to Meditation

In early fall of 1968 a good friend of mine, Michael and I rented a house in a predominately African-American neighborhood of Kansas City, MO east of Prospect on the corner of 69th St. and College. Before we rented it, the house had been used as a neighborhood church. It had a big front room, which had been the meeting room, two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen and a room that was used as a living room. The house was painted pink and had a somewhat flat roof, hence we called it the Pink Flat.

Immediately the house started gathering a commune within its walls. Michael and I would go around to building sites after dark and pick up discarded plywood, two by fours and whatever else we could find and bring it back to the house. We then constructed a loft around the perimeter of the big room so that there were two levels of sleeping spaces and it began to fill.

We all made an effort to keep the house neat and tidy. Sometimes that required posting reminders. Some would remind us to wash our dishes, others would remind us to keep the bathroom clean. And all in all it remained remarkably clean considering the number of people who lived there.

Sometime in late spring or early summer of 1969 the extremely pure form of LSD, Orange Sunshine, appeared on the scene in Kansas City. Orange Sunshine was unlike any LSD that had preceded it.

One evening I took a dose of Orange Sunshine at the Pink Flat. It turned out to be my most significant LSD experience and laid the groundwork for a lifetime with meditation at the center.

Once the LSD started affecting me I left the house and walked around the neighborhood alone. I was a couple of blocks away from the house in some neighbor’s yard when I started to experience hallucinations and paranoia. This was unusual for me, it was rare for me to experience paranoia and I was not prone to hallucinations. But on this occasion it was happening. At some point it clicked that I was the one who was creating the hallucinations and the paranoia. And immediately with that realization the energy being projected from the mind started to go in reverse. It was literally as if I was reeling in the mind. And when all the energy that had been projected out returned home there was peace, a clarity, an At Homeness that I had never experienced so profoundly before. I was experiencing Being. I was at home, the ground of being.

It also became clear through this experience that I had had this realization as a result of taking the LSD but the truth of the experience of At Homeness was because of an ending of mental projection. The seeing of this was enabled by the heightened state of consciousness from the LSD but the realization that took place was beyond the chemistry. I had seen, quite literally, how the projecting mind works.

This new found at homeness lingered for weeks, perhaps even a month or more because I found I could return home by stopping the journey away from home. And the summer of 1969 continued to be a summer of awakening.

Most everyone in our Pink Flat commune began selling copies of The Kansas City Free Press, the local underground newspaper, on street corners as a means of income for the house. While I was creating a sales chart for our house sales I experienced the “witness” as I watched myself (from beyond the me) draw the columns.

A couple of months later after we had closed the house and everyone dispersed I was on The Country Club Plaza in Kansas City selling the Free Press on a street corner when a man named Charlie walked up and introduced me to Meher Baba. And through Meher Baba I was introduced to Tratak meditation.

Seven years later, in 1976, I would find myself being initiated by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (Osho) in the city that Meher Baba had been born and grown up in, Poona, India. And through Osho a much wider world of meditation opened before me.

If I remember correctly I took LSD one more time in that seven years after the Orange Sunshine experience and before I arrived in Poona and that was, as I saw it, some kind of self-check-up.

It is only within the last year that I came to know that the creator of Orange Sunshine, Nicholas Sand, also went to Poona, India in 1978 and was initiated by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (Osho) and became Deva Pravasi. Ironically his sannyas darshan with Osho is recorded in the darshan diary titled Turn On, Tune In and Drop the Lot.  Our paths crossed a few times at Rajneeshpuram  but I didn’t know that he hadbeen the creator of Orange Sunshine.

I am extremely grateful to Pravasi and his gift of chemistry for giving me a glimpse of the workings of the mind and that first experience of no-mind which helped propel me to meeting my Master, Osho.

Osho introduced me to the Meditation of watching the mind and by and by I discovered that the heightened state of consciousness that I had experienced with Orange Sunshine was none other than my “natural state”. I discovered that this “natural state” is clouded with mind, with desire, with thought, with identity and that it is possible to come clear of the clouds by watching directly the comings and goings of the mind. But the important ingredient to this watching is watching without grasping or rejecting, watching without judging, watching without jumping into the fray. And as one watches without interference the energy that is involved in thought begins to return home and the mind is reeled in, not by any effort and not by chemistry, but by no longer being a party to the creation of the me.

Of course as long as there are impressions remaining within the mind one is drawn out again and again but also it becomes easier and easier to return. This is the gift of meditation and this is the gift of Osho.

-purushottama

For more info see:

Osho News story on Pravasi

Osho – The Attraction for Drugs is Spiritual

The documentary: The Sunshine Makers available on Netflix

Osho – LSD, A Shortcut to False Samadhi

NY Times story: Nicholas Sand, Chemist Who Sought to Bring LSD to the World, Dies at 75

A Footprint in Consciousness

After watching the entire seven hour documentary on Netflix  Wild Wild Country  the following poured out. Pranam to ALL. 

Does anyone, after hearing directly from the U.S. Attorney, Oregon State Attorney General, Bill Bowerman, and then there were those who we did not hear from in the series but have been documented in Passage to America, Edwin Meese (US Attorney General), Pope Benedict before he was pope (Joseph Ratzinger) and many more, after hearing from these people, does anyone really believe if we had been a little more good neighborly that they would have allowed us to continue? Perhaps if all we had wanted to do was have a communal farm for a couple of hundred friends? Maybe. But I am doubtful of even that.

Osho wanted to build a city/commune, a place where thousands could gather and meditate together. In order to create that space there was a lot of work to be done, but this work was to be done with awareness, with love. This was only possible because of someone like Sheela and her “gang” who created a protective shell around the community for the meditators/workers to carry on. Her job was to keep the forces that colluded from day one to close us down at bay long enough to for us to finish the job.

Rajneesh Mandir

You see, I do not subscribe to the belief that Osho ever intended Rajneeshpuram to be an ongoing, permanent community. It was as Osho has said about his community “an experiment to provoke God.” We were creating a “footprint” on the earth. A footprint of consciousness. Just the effort to create such a community was an opening in the consciousness of the world. It has been attempted before to lesser degrees and with each attempt it has moved the ball forward. But, this attempt was not scorning the use of science and technology. This attempt was not renouncing the world; it was an attempt that would bring Zorba and Buddha together in harmony. It would ultimately bring 10,000 meditators together into a city that they had created for themselves. And in that work of creation the effect would be that many of those who worked on the project were transformed.

But in order to create this Buddhafield someone was going to have play defense so that the work could continue. Most of us inside the Ranch did not know the extent of the opposition to our very presence until the bombing of Hotel Rajneesh in Portland. And, this event was a wakeup call for Sheela too. If we were going to survive long enough to complete the experiment we would have to be able to protect ourselves. And the best protection was in showing the outside world that we were willing to protect ourselves and had the means. That was a language they could understand. We very publicly displayed our resources and even filmed our abilities at the shooting range. This was enough to create doubt. And in my mind, this is why nobody was ever shot at, no one was ever hurt by firearms.

In the Wild Wild Country series you hear Shanti B. describe what it was like to be in the meetings with Sheela and crew. They would gather around and problem solve. For example, we weren’t allowed to have commercial activity at the Ranch; Okay we’ll do it in Antelope. We weren’t allowed to do it in Antelope; Okay we’ll buy up properties in order to control the decision making. We weren’t allowed by Wasco County to carry on our activities; Okay we’ll bring in more voters to the county. Where can we get more voters? How about the homeless people. Good idea and then we can do two things, we can help the homeless and elect out representatives too. They were just problem solving to the best of their abilities. All the while “running interference” so that the work at the Ranch could continue.

In life we have projects that we are working on, and if we are very determined, we try every avenue of success but sometimes we just have to know when “the jig is up” and let go. In hindsight, it appears that being about to lose the Wasco County Commissioner election was one of those times. Many will say that we shouldn’t have tried to affect the election with the Share-A-Home program and, that is probably true. But just as it is one-sided to talk of the benefits of the program (bringing homeless off the street, exposing street people to meditation, giving a sense of self-worth to those who felt abandoned, etc.), without talking about the well-known ill effects, so too is it one-sided to ignore the benefits. By the way, yes, there were some who were forcibly removed but there were also some who remained to the very end, long after many of us had found new homes.

But, clearly, when we were not able to affect the election with our new found comrades then, that was the time to realize we had done all that we could do. And, Sheela should have been willing to let go of her position if that is what it meant. It is interesting that Osho decided to begin giving discourses again the very night we had a voter rally with the homeless. I think he knew “the jig was up.” We would be able to continue with the momentum created for just one more year.

Now, how to unwind this experiment that many had mistakenly thought was a permanent utopian dream?

Fortunately, Sheela provided the answer for most of that too. It was her own unwillingness to accept defeat, to let-go of power, that would be the means for unwinding the commune. The crimes that were committed in order to hang on to power were the means to allow the forces to extinguish the experiment. But the experiment had already succeeded. We had already created a city of 10,000 meditators. We created a beautiful eco-friendly community in the desert. And, in the process, all of us were transformed in varying degrees. It was time to let-go.

Osho saw the situation and very wisely left the Ranch which avoided the confrontation that the Oregon National Guard, FBI, State Police and local law enforcement feared.

Osho returned to India after a few stops along the way. Many sannyasins joined him there to listen to his talks for a couple more years. (He still had a few things to say). Others took whatever light that had been ignited in “the experiment” and went out into the “marketplace.”

Do you really think that if it had been someone different in Sheela’s place the result would have been better? Personally, I doubt it.

It goes without saying that none of this would have taken place without Osho. I bow down. But, perhaps, what is not so obvious, is that each and every actor is essential in this play.

So I bow down to everyone who participated in whatever way you did and I don’t exclude anyone. Everyone played their part, which includes the residents, the RHT workers, the festival workers, all of the visitors, those that stayed and those that left, those who never managed to make it to the Ranch and those that stayed to the very end. And how can I bow down to Sheela and her crew without also bowing down to the residents of Antelope and Wasco County, the government officials, and the Rajneesh Hotel bomber, because without any of you there may not be that “footprint of consciousness” in the Oregon desert.

-purushottama

Osho’s Past Life Mother

Ma Anandmayee ( Smt Madan Kunwar Parekh) left her body today. She was living in Chaanda, Maharashtra. She was 99 year old.

In 1960 Osho meets Mrs. Madan Kunwar Parekh (Ma Anandmayee), whom he recognizes as his mother in a past-life. Mrs Parekh is 40 years’ old at the time, and recognizes that Osho is enlightened. Osho writes hundreds of letters to her, of which 120 are published under the title: Seeds of Revolutionary Thought (1966), and reprinted as Seeds of Wisdom (1996). These letters recount incidents in Osho’s life as parables explaining his teachings. Posted on Facebook March 20, 2018

I too am a farmer and I sowed some seeds. They sprouted and now flowers have come to them. My whole life is filled with the fragrance of these flowers and because of this fragrance now I am in a different world. This fragrance has given me a new birth, and now I am no longer that which is seen by ordinary eyes.

The unseen and the unknown have flung open their closed doors, and I am seeing a world which is not seen through the eyes, and I am hearing music which ears are not capable of hearing. Whatsoever I have found and known is eager to flow just as the mountain waterfalls and springs flow and rush towards the ocean.

Remember, when the clouds are full of water they have to shower. And when the flowers are filled with fragrance they have to give off their fragrance freely to the winds. And when a lamp is lit, the light is bound to radiate from it.

Something like this has happened and the winds are carrying away some seeds of revolution from me. I have no idea in what fields they will land and who will tend them. I only know that it is from seeds like these that I have attained the flowers of life, immortality, and the divine. And in whatever field they land, the very soil there will turn into the flowers of immortality.

In death is hidden the immortal and in death is life-just as flowers are inherent in the soil. But the potential of the soil can never become realized in the absence of seeds. The seeds make manifest that which was unmanifest and give expression to that which was latent.

Whatever I have, whatever I am, I want to give away as seeds of divine consciousness. What is attained in knowledge—knowing—love gives away in abundance. In knowing one knows God; in love one becomes God. Knowledge is the spiritual discipline, love is the fulfillment.

-Osho

From Seeds of Wisdom, Preface

Copyright© OSHO International Foundation

An MP3 audio file of this discourse can be downloaded from Osho.com, or you can read the entire book online at the Osho Library.

Many of Osho’s books are available online from Amazon.com and in the U.S. from OshoStore-Sedona and Osho Here and Now.

After Awakening Before Enlightenment

Back in 2011 the essay Awakening Before Enlightenment came gushing out onto the computer screen. I was very reluctant to edit it much at all because it didn’t feel like my writing. It just poured out.

Now almost seven years later it seems like perhaps it is time for a check-up.

In the last paragraph it was written:

So here we come to the point that has been the fuel for this inquiry for all these years. Without exposure to the presence of an Enlightened Master and, unfortunately for some, even with, it is very easy to believe that the “awakening of the witness” is the end of the journey, is itself enlightenment. Some fellow travelers might very well believe that there is no ending of the mind, because that is the limitation of their own experience.

What is the landscape now at this time? What has changed?

Through these last years I have spent even more time exploring coming out of mind. I have experimented with many of Shiva’s 112 Meditation Techniques explained by Osho in The Book of Secrets. And with each I have discovered that same core that Osho points us to again and again, witnessing.

And it is from here that the mind is witnessed, that one sees all the ways to get entangled, and these are not just seen once or twice but again and again. But each time that seeing happens the strength of the proclivity is lessened. It becomes easier to come out, easier to let go of grasping, easier to remain with that which may be uncomfortable.

And yes, there do come more moments, and longer in duration, where one is without thought.

When thought subsides one is capable of exploring the region of feeling. Not feeling with a tour guide who is naming all the sights but feeling just in feeling. Feeling the very sensation of moods, sometimes the feeling of burbling, gushing raw emotion of some long forgotten happening.

And yes there also comes moments when all thought and feelings subside and one is left with only a sense of being.

And this sense of being, this wavering in the belly, is witnessed, is seen and in that very seeingness, when the seeing is total even that sense of being, that ripple comes to rest. In these moments there is “an ending of mind.”

Surely this momentary “ending of mind” is “samadhi with seed.” It is seed because the seed remains and because the seed remains it invariably re-sprouts. Nevertheless in this moment I am refreshed.

So now I can revisit the post and still say yes, for me, it is true that “awakening of the witness” is not “the end of the journey.” In fact it is the real beginning. The beginning of the end of “me.” And in this witnessing there is “a knowingness” that exists without any support. It is self-evident.

It is also important to emphasize that “the ending of me” does not come about by any doing on my part. I am not dissolving or evaporating my mind.  Any such activity would only strengthen the doer, the “me.” The mind does dissolve, it does evaporate not because of any doing on my part, on the contrary it does so because in those moments I am no longer contributing to its survival. My energy is with that “knowingness.” And because I am residing at home (in those moments) there is no energy feeding the “me.” And I am perfectly happy to let all of the un-entangling, all of the exposing, all of the evaporation proceed without any interference and bask in the moments of “now-here” that appear on their own.

And still the refrain, “charaiveti, charaiveti .”

-purushottama

Here you can find  Awakening Before Enlightenment.

That Which Took Us to Rajneeshpuram

Rajneesh Mandir

I am sure that whatever I say will not make one iota of difference to anyone, but still it has to be said.

It seems appropriate to ask ourselves what it was that took us to Rajneeshpuram.

If we were attracted by the idea of creating a utopian community and that is the only reason we went then it is natural that we are disappointed that the experiment did not deliver the goods. And I suppose then there is some benefit in reviewing the history and events that took place so as to do better next time.

Perhaps we were attracted by the idea of being with a “godman”, some saintly character that would conform to our own ideas of “enlightenment”. Just the idea elevated our own status. We were one of the chosen few. Is this anything more than an ego trip? And of course we were headed for disappointment. Masters do not conform to anyone’s ideas of enlightenment, Gurdjieff did not, J. Krishnamurti did not, and certainly U.G. Krishnamurti did not, just to name a few more recent examples. And it is natural that our egos would be bruised when we realized that life did not live up to our expectations.

And then there were some that were lured by the prospect of opening ourselves to the unknown, of diving deep into our own inner depths, of examining every aspect of ourselves, both the dark and the light. There are not many in this group who were disappointed, Rajneeshpuram delivered on all accounts for many.

Whatever it was that took us to Rajneeshpuram, what we can take away, even if only beginning at this moment, is meditation.

We can forget all about Osho, but if we forget about meditation, the whole journey was for naught.

If we persist in meditation (and by meditation I mean observing the contents of the mind without pushing them away or without jumping into the fray) then we rediscover that space, that magical space of silence and love. From here it is hard to be anything but so overwhelmingly grateful for the one who spent his entire life pointing towards this door to no-mind. And, in fact, it is THIS no-mind, this oceanic space of silence and love that is Osho, this very moment.

-purushottama

This was originally posted on the Facebook group page Rajneeshpuram Residents and was part of an ongoing conversation. I thought perhaps it might be interesting to some who are not part of that group.

Being a Light Unto Myself – Dayanand Bharati

The alchemy of transcendence

A lot of water has flown down the Ganga since that article about the addiction, How I Came to One-Mind.

I had transcended alcohol addiction and sobriety then. It is not quite correct that “I” had transcended it. Transcendence happened after “I” had failed absolutely, completely. Only through the power of awareness and watching both had disappeared, in a blaze of grace never to be seen or heard of again.

The first true transformation had happened in my life. It was real. It was a miracle. I was in awe and the mind still cannot comprehend, even now, because he was left out of the loop. I mean something that was such a strong destructive habit for almost half of my life, suddenly just gone, evaporated like it never existed from one moment to the next.This was a key experience; I knew this key can be used to transcend the mind itself, and not just part of it.

Many changes happened right after this transformation.

I was filled with love and gratitude.

All doubt about myself was erased from my mind forever. I knew for certain that truth existed.

It was a clear confirmation that transcendence is possible, I had experienced it, even just on this small scale of the personal mind, the impact was mind blowing, literarily.

I had been on the right path.

I was not in some kind of spiritual illusion about myself, because even in all that time I had been with my master I never had an experience that confirmed that I was on the right path, never a proof, except his acceptance of me and my love and trust for him.

Of course many other things happened on the emotional and mental plane but never this final proof, this dropping into another dimension this falling out of polarity. But now this was it, the first real transformation made it all real.

I was free now of all personal unconscious layers, free of the hidden influences that had directed this life so far.

I was conscious of myself as part of existence and not anymore part of Society. I was free of all the games society is playing. I had nothing to do with it any more, there was nothing I wanted from the outer world.

Therefore, anxiety dropped away immediately, replaced by a natural trust in existence.

I was loved, accepted and embraced by life, I was ultimately worthy to be alive.

I looked at myself now, not anymore at others.

I had asked my whole life, the other, the woman, the mother image to confirm me, give me worth and value, love me, or the lover, to satisfy me, give me bliss and fulfillment.

But I was asking a mirror image, there was nobody in these reflections, only my own projections, nobody really there, only the reflection echoing back, asking the same from me.

Just like when I look in my bathroom mirror and ask, do you love me?

What will happen?  Will the reflection say: Yes!

No, the reflection will say “Do you love me”?

There was no other!

To me, this is best described by a small anecdote my beloved master Osho has told once.

I don’t recall in which discourse so I tell it as I remember it.

My master had a friend who had a butcher shop in his village,

(It must be a made up story, no Jain, even an enlightened one ever walks into a butcher shop), anyway he liked the man and he dropped in occasionally to say hello.

One day just before closing time my master stopped by and asked how his day was, the butcher said he had a great day today, I sold all my meat except for this chicken here.

That very moment the shop door burst open and a customer rushed in, “ahh.. glad I made it, I have some friends over today for dinner and need a chicken.”

The Butcher winked at my master and put the chicken on the scale, “$5 please”, he said.

“Hmmm”, said the customer, “do you have a bigger one?”

Without hesitation the butcher walked back in his storeroom with the chicken, made some noise and came back with the same chicken

He slapped it on the scale and said, “this one will be $7”.

“Tell you what”, said the customer, “I will take both.”

Now there is only one chicken. My master said there is always only one chicken. Asking for both will reveal the truth! That there is not two!

Being alert, watching, looking, inquiring is asking for both.

Love this story!

The steps that led to transcendence

I want to elaborate on the steps that led to this transcendence, because this is a key that can be applied to transcend any duality.

And it can be used by anyone.

Before the transformation of getting drunk and trying to control it I had always believed I was going in a straight line, from this point to that, from unhappiness to happiness, from addiction to sobriety, from dependence to independence. And to get there I just had to try hard enough, give it my all and one bright sunny day…it will happen. I will arrive at my final destination. I will be free, sober, happy, loved, enlightened. And when it didn’t happen, as I hoped, the reverse attitude kicked in, no matter how hard I try I will never make it.

I will be never be free, sober, happy, loved, enlightened.

But in the struggle to be free of the drunkard I became aware that I was not going in a straight line at all, I became aware of the circle, going from negative to positive and back again to negative, from addict to anti-addict back to addict….. From unhappiness to happiness back to unhappiness, round and round….

If I follow a straight road and keep going and going I will eventually drive around the planet and arrive exactly where I am now same with the mind.

Before I was never aware of this fact, because the opposite was always hidden in the unconscious, half of the globe hidden in the dark night.

The road invisible appears non-existent, that is why it looks like it is a straight line, a half circle looks like a straight line, going from dawn to dusk from here to there, the other half is dark, unconscious, hidden, but I had somehow, through watching my mind and by trying, digging myself out of myself hopelessly, brought eventually light to that dark hidden part.

I suddenly saw the whole mind, I stood apart, I saw the full circle not just half. I became aware that they are one whole and not 2 separate things.

It changed everything!

“If you make a circle, the end and beginning meet — only then is the circle complete. If you become a circle, whole, total, in you will meet the beginning and the end. You will be the very source of the world and you will be the very climax of the world. You will be both the alpha and the omega. And unless you become that, something is incomplete; and when something is incomplete you will remain miserable. The only misery that I know is being incomplete. The whole being tends to be complete, needs to be complete, and the incomplete becomes a torture. The incompletion is the only problem. And when you become complete, the end and the beginning meet in you. God as the source and God as the ultimate flowering meet in you.”

-Osho

From The Hidden Harmony, Chapter #4

It is not that the mind saw that, he cannot, he is not able to look around the full circle, around the whole globe, the mind, just like the eyes, can always only see half, the front or the back, the up or the down but the eyes can never see front and back, up and down at the same time.

That is the limitation of the mind and body.

Only awareness can see all, not see, be all, rooted at the center with full awareness of all that is.

Being aware of that, I could not be in illusion anymore that one day I will be fulfilled, that this mind would one day arrive at its destination, at one side and stay there, there was no destination, a circle has no end, no arrival point it just goes round and round, on and on, like the horses on a merry go round.

Understanding this clearly, the turning in happened, the “letting go” happened, the transformation happened, addict and anti-addict evaporated into awareness, into the heart of being, because reaching anywhere was not possible, choice was not possible, choice was an illusion.

I would never reach one side, because there is no one side, there is always 2 sides, like breathing in and breathing out, there cannot be only breathing in, or only breathing out. But the mind believes that this is possible, that is the illusion.

I would never attain fulfillment in any of my desires because they are all based in duality.

There was no love waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, or security, or happiness.

There was always both waiting for me.

Love and hate, happiness and unhappiness, life and death.

If I am in love unaware, hate is waiting in the basement for its turn, because love is based on hate and vice versa, they are each other’s contrast, how would I know what love is if I did not know hate, its opposite.

Seeing this, understanding this, choice was now irrelevant.

I would always end up at the opposite again sooner or later.

The illusion that I was going somewhere that I was growing, winning, that one day I will arrive at my goal was only an illusion, or that I will be condemned for ever, in eternal despair was also only one side of the coin.

It is like a chess player suddenly becomes aware that he is actually playing against himself, his own mirror image.

I became aware that I was 100% addicted to alcohol, I wanted to get drunk, escape, forget, period.

And I was aware that I wanted 100% to get rid of the addiction, be free of it, period.

And both identifications where mine. I was the only player in this game

I was aware of the opposite player as myself, I was my own enemy my own competitor, I competed against myself, tried to win against myself.

But now the light was on, I saw who I was playing against and I knew the next move I would make because the opponent was me, myself my own mind.

I played from now on with an open deck of cards.

Like playing poker with all the cards open faced you know exactly the next card coming up, the game is meaningless, there is no more game because the game consists of the not knowing what card will be next, will it be a winner or a looser?

That day, the game of playing and winning against the world, collapsed, because it was all me, my projection.

I was the world and I was the individual, because I projected me onto the world, the world was me, my projection.

The mind got it too!

Once a fact is known it cannot be reversed, once a child knows by experience that fire burns it will know it for life and not touch fire again.

Once the mind knows 100% it is not possible to get fulfillment outside

It will cooperate and stop reaching out.

The mind itself inside of me did not collapse yet, only the mind going out, playing with the world, getting, desiring, escaping resisting the outside was now meaningless. I did not project the images in my mind onto the outside anymore, but the images themselves where still intact.

The conditioned mind fell onto itself.

I was the center now and the world was the periphery. Before I had no center I was kicked around like a ping pong ball on the periphery.

I became a light onto myself, I could see where I was going. Now I had a center. I was “in” but the center was again divided in itself, inside, into its own duality.

“If you are wise, intelligent, and you know how to contain the opposites together in a deep friendly embrace, then thesis opposed by antithesis will create a new phenomenon in your being: synthesis. On a higher plane you will arise. In a deeper way you will be united. And then again the synthesis functions as a thesis, creates its antithesis, and again, on a higher plane, synthesis. It goes on and on, waves upon waves, higher and higher. There are planes upon planes, and one can go on reaching. The ultimate plane is the total synthesis of your life. All conflict disappears – is not dropped, but disappears of its own accord.”

Osho

From The Secret of Secrets, Vol 2 #13

For me the addiction to alcohol was the catalyst that pushed me into awareness, but it can be anything that the mind is addicted to, the mind is basically in its essence addiction.

What I am pointing to in this writing is, that any duality can be transcended with deep inquiry and awareness.

The conditioned mind, acquired in this life had been erased.

But the ancient mind, the totality of the mind with its roots in the beginning of time had not yet. But it opened the door to “The final ultimate synthesis”.

In deep gratitude to my beloved master Osho.

Dayanand Bharati

This is a follow-up to a previous posting by Dayanand, How I Came to One-Mind.