Now, the Whole Responsibility is Yours – Osho

Have you stopped initiating people into sannyas and creating disciples? Am I to be deprived of becoming your disciple?

A disciple is not made, one has to become one. When you love someone, do you first ask the person? Do you first take the permission of the person? Love just happens. Love neither obeys any order nor takes any permission, nor does it believe in any modes or methods.

What is discipleship?

It is the highest, the deepest name of love. If you want to love me, how can I stop you? If you shed tears in love for me, how can I stop you? And if you dive into what I call meditation, how can I stop you? Whosoever wants to be a disciple, no one can stop him. And that is why I have dropped all the formalities that were there for making someone a disciple, because now I want only those who are coming toward me of their own accord – not via some other route. Now, the whole responsibility is yours.

For instance, we teach students in the first grade: a is for apple, g is for Ganesh. In fact, previously g used to be for Ganesh, now it is for gadha, the donkey. It is a secular state. Here it is not appropriate that the word Ganesh appears in a textbook. But neither does Ganesh have anything to do with g or gadha. It is just a way to teach a small child. The child finds gadha or Ganesh more interesting. He doesn’t find any interest in the letter g. But slowly, slowly gadha will be forgotten, Ganesh will be forgotten, only g will remain, and only g will be used.

If you keep having to read a for apple, g for Ganesh, by the time you enter the university, there will be no opportunity to study. Even to read one complete sentence will be impossible. And after reading it, it will become difficult to understand what the meaning is, because who knows how many donkeys and Ganeshas and mangoes will be in the sentence?

There are pictures in small children’s textbooks: colored pictures, big pictures, and a few letters. And with every move to a higher class the pictures go on becoming smaller and the letters become more and more. Slowly, the pictures disappear altogether and only the letters remain. In university classes, there are no pictures, only letters, the akshar.

Our word akshar is also very lovely. It means that which will never be destroyed. So, Ganesha can be destroyed, gadhas can be destroyed, but the akshar will always remain. It never ceases.

So when I started, I had to initiate people into sannyas, to make people disciples. But how long can one play the joke of gadhas and Ganeshas; apples and pineapples? Now, sannyas has matured. Now, formalities no longer have an important place.

Now, if you are in love, become a disciple. It is not something even to be talked about. Now, no need even to let anyone know: if it is your feeling, be a sannyasin. Now, the whole responsibility is yours. This is the sign of being mature. How long can I walk along with you, holding your hand? Before my hands are removed, I have to let go of your hands by myself, so that you can stand on your own feet – relying on your own hands, your own responsibility – and walk.

No, there is no need for you to stop from becoming a disciple. Nor can anyone prevent you from becoming a sannyasin. But now it is your decision alone, according to the thirst and the call of your own interiority.

I am with you, my blessings are with you, but now I will not explain to you about becoming a sannyasin or ask you to meditate. Now, I will only explain this much: what meditation is. If only this much can trigger a thirst in you, then meditate. Now, I will not tell you to love. Now, I will only describe love and everything else to you. If no song arises in your heart – even upon hearing the unique and mysterious description of love – then nothing will come out of commanding it from you either. And if a song arises, then it is not a matter of giving and taking: you can be a disciple, you can meditate, you can become a sannyasin, you can attain to enlightenment, you can achieve the ultimate treasure of this life that we have called moksha, the ultimate liberation.

But now you have to do all this. Gone are the days of someone giving you a push from behind. Now, you are completely free. Your own wish, your own joy, your own ecstasy are the deciding factors.


From The Diamond Sword, Discourse #8

Copyright© OSHO International Foundation

You can see more of Osho on Sannyas here.

An MP3 audio file of this discourse can be downloaded from  or you can read the entire book online at the Osho Library.

Many of Osho’s books are available in the U.S. online from and Viha Osho Book Distributors. In India they are available from and

Terence Stamp Takes Sannyas

Terence Stamp travelled to India and became a disciple of Osho′s, then called Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, on Tuesday November 16th. 1976. The following is an account of his initiation into sannyas as it appeared in one of Osho′s books, titled The Shadow of the Whip.

Osho: Mm, what about you? Is there something you would like to say to me?T

Terence Stamp (a film star from England): If you can help me in any way…

O: In every way!

T (thinking he had been misheard): Any way.

O: In every way I am going to help, mm? The first thing first: become a sannyasin (Terence nods slowly). That connects you with me – and before the work can start a deep connection is needed, a deep involvement with me is needed because the help is not going to be an outer help. I need a passage into the heart. And by becoming a sannyasin you become available, you become vulnerable. Then it becomes very easy, you don′t create obstacles. Otherwise ordinarily the human mind goes on creating obstacles in a thousand and one ways… unconsciously of course.
A man is his own undoing. So if you really want help, the first need is to get involved with my family –  immediately many things start happening. The first thing – you become relaxed with me. Otherwise whenever a new person comes here, he′s afraid of sannyas – desirous and afraid too. There is a part which wants to move into this new space that I am making available here, and there is a part, naturally from the past, which is suspicious of everything – everything new at least; that part holds back.
So if you are here and not a sannyasin, to become a sannyasin or not to become a sannyasin remains a constant worry on the head – a very subtle tension. Once you have become a sannyasin that tension is gone. You can relax, and only when you are in a relaxed state can I penetrate you. By becoming relaxed you become feminine; then penetration is possible. By surrendering you are no more a male energy that′s why surrender is so difficult. The male energy is aggressive… it wants to conquer. Hence the West has given birth to science – science is an aggressive attack, almost a rape on truth.
In the East we have never thought in terms of conquering, we have thought in terms of surrendering. We surrender to nature, to God, or whatsoever one calls it, and then nature starts revealing its mystery.
So this sannyas is nothing but a first step towards the ultimate surrender which will be coming by and by. I am just a door. By surrendering to me you enter into the temple.
And I can help in every way, but I can help only if you allow me to help.

There is a very famous story about a sufi mystic, Bayazid…

When he went to his master he was a young man, desirous of knowing. He went to his master and he asked the master,

′Would you teach me, sir?′
The master looked at him and said, ′Would you allow me to teach you?′
And that very saying became a transformation.

I am ready to help but will you allow me to help you?… because nothing can be done without your cooperation. I never interfere in anybody′s life unless the life has become part of my life – that′s what the meaning of sannyas is. Then you are no more Terence: you don′t belong to your past – you belong to me. You can simply come out of your past as a snake comes out of the old skin – and it is tremendously beautiful to come out of the past. For a man like you who has lived a public life, who has become famous in a way, who is well-known, it is a must to get out of it.
This is one of the greatest human dilemmas – that when a person is not known, not famous, he hankers to become famous because walking on the road as a nonentity hurts. Nobody looks at you, nobody even says ′hello′, nobody pays any attention. Whether you exist or not does not matter. If you die, there will not even be a ripple, you will simply disappear as if you had never existed – it hurts. One starts in every way to make one′s mark, to leave one′s signature, so that even when death comes one can live in people′s memories. And one wants that people should pay attention… people should know who you are! So there is a great urge to become famous. Somebody becomes a politician, somebody becomes an actor, somebody becomes an author, a painter, a poet… somebody becomes a saint.
The day you are famous – and it takes long effort; tired, exhausted you arrive, you become famous – suddenly you recognise that now it is almost impossible to walk on the road, to be, because no privacy is available. Wherever you go people know who you are. Everybody is staring at you. One becomes a public show. So when one becomes famous, one finds that one has lost one′s privacy, one′s own space. Then one wants to be anonymous, you want to go somewhere where nobody knows you. So first we create fame, when it is there… and by the time it is there much has been lost, much energy has been wasted, one has suffered much: many headaches and many ulcers, and everything has happened. And then by the time one becomes famous, it is futile. First one hankers for riches – when they are there, one simply sees the futility of it all.

T (quietly): It′s true.

O: Sannyas is just a leap of understanding, that now fame does not mean anything, richness does not mean anything; that you would like to live a natural, simple spontaneous life. I am not saying to escape from the world, I′m not saying drop out of your work, but once this ambition disappears, you can remain in whatsoever you are doing, but the quality will change.

T: Yes.

O: And that′s what I can see – you need a space to be alone, you need a space, a private space, a private sky where you are left alone and you can be silently growing, doing something or not doing something, just enjoying being. You are tired of doing. Sannyas will be a great help: it will make a discontinuity.
On the surface it is very difficult to say what sannyas is. It is an experience And there are two ways to become a sannyasin: one is you think about it, you decide about it. The other and the better is that you simply go into it in deep trust without thinking about it, without making a decision about it. When you make a decision, sannyas is not so valuable because it is the past making decision. Then the break is not so abrupt. Mm? you will think – who is this thinking? Your past will think and calculate and watch and talk to people and meet people and see whether something happens or not. This whole thing will go on and then there is a conclusion, a decision you take or you don′t take. But this decision comes out of the past, and the past remains continuous; then the quantum leap is missed.
If you simply take a jump, not knowing where you are going, not making any effort to know where you are going – if you simply go into this darkness, into this vast darkness of existence, without any map, without any plan then it has a tremendous beauty. You will have a thrill, an adventure.
So it is for you to decide! Would you like to decide or would you simply like to go into it?

Terence gazes at Osho for a moment, then wordlessly lowers his head and moves closer to Osho′s chair.

O: Close your eyes and feel me surrounding you from everywhere as if you are just in my womb, relaxed, contented and whatsoever form your body starts taking, let it take.

Terence sits quite still while Osho writes his sannyas name and then places the mala over his head. Osho places his thumb on Terence′s forehead, on his third eye, while his right hand holds the locket of the mala. After a moment or two Osho allows the locket to fall and places his hand on Terence′s head, gazing at him and then closing his eyes, for several minutes…

O: This will be your name… so consciously, deliberately make a break with the old name. For your business purposes you can continue the old, but as far as you are concerned the old name becomes fictitious, the old name becomes pseudo, and this new name becomes your reality – Swami Deva Veeten.
“Deva” means “divine” – the word comes from the same root as divine. Divine comes from a sanskrit root, deva – they both mean light. From dev comes day and divine both – it means light. And “Veeten” means “beyond”: “the light beyond” or “the God beyond”. And the reality is beyond you. The reality is beyond the body, beyond the mind. That′s what one is ordinarily identified with – either the body or the mind – but reality is beyond both. Reality is in the witnessing of both.
If you can observe the body, you are more real than you are when you are in the body. If you are eating, you are not as real as if you are watching yourself eating. When you are thinking, you are not so real; but if you can watch the thoughts passing by you become more real.
Reality happens to you only when you are not identified with the body and mind. So Veeten means trying to be beyond, trying to be constantly beyond any identity that can confine you. That′s what Gurdjieff calls ′self-remembering′, but self-remembering is not such a good word because the self in fact does not exist when there is remembering. So the word is not a very fortunate choice; self-remembering somehow makes it a self-centred thing. There is every possibility… and I have come across many Gurdjieff people who have mistaken self-remembering for self-consciousness.
They become more self-conscious – that creates more tension. Self-remembering has nothing to do with self-consciousness because it has nothing to do with self, it is simple remembering. Remembering is also not a very good choice of words, mm? Because it means that you are remembering something from the past. It has nothing to do with the past either. You have never known it. It is going to be for the first time. It is not a rediscovery it is a discovery! So it is a witnessing, it is pure consciousness, it is just seeing things as they are.
So these are the three layers upon one′s being. One is the world outside, the outermost layer: the sun, the trees, the people, the society. It is very easy to get out of it, because there is a gap between you and it; it is not very difficult. And there is no need to escape to the Himalayas or to a cave, because wherever you go the world is there – the outer world is there. It is very simple, because the distance is vast so one is never identified with the outer world. There are a few people very neurotic, who have become identified. Somebody is so much identified with his car that if a car is dented, he is dented. Or with the house – if the house is gone, he may start thinking of committing suicide. Or there are people who are very much identified with money, wife, children, but ordinarily that is not such a big problem, because you know that you are separate.
The problem starts with the body; the body is very close. The outer world is like a dream – you can drop it and you can become naked. The body is like skin it is not so easy to peel it away, but it is not impossible. So just watching helps. You are walking on the road – just become the witness, see the body walking.
And don′t make it a tense thing: strain is not needed. If it becomes strenuous, you miss the point. So be perfectly at ease and relaxed. It is fun – it is not a serious thing. That is one of the other problems which Gurdjieff people have imbibed – they become very serious, and they don′t take it as fun. That creates anxiety.
Even when Gurdjieff was there many people became ill, many people died, many people went mad, and the reason was that it was thought to be such a great work! The very word ′work′ makes it very serious. What I am doing here is play – it is not work. When I am gone, my work is to be known as play, never as work. So take it non-seriously. Seriousness is a disease and through seriousness no one has ever gone beyond. Seriousness is so heavy that it makes you rooted in the gravitation. One needs to be very playful, then one can go beyond gravitation – one can fly!
A great unburdening is needed, so just be playful about it. When I say, ′when walking, watch,′ I mean be playful. If sometimes you forget, nothing is wrong in it. Watch that too – you have forgotten, good! Then again you remember, good! Both are good. In fact there is a rhythm. You cannot constantly watch; it is just like breathing in, breathing out.

Veeten (suddenly animated as if something has clicked inside): Aahh!

O: And that has been one of the missing points in Gurdjieff′ system.

V: Yes! Yes!

O: People are trying to be continuously watching. It is foolish!

V (thoughtfully, one hand under his chin, the other across his waist): Right… right!

O: When you breathe out the air goes out, when you breathe in the air goes in, and there is a rhythm. The eyes go on blinking; there is a rhythm. And everything is a rhythm: the day and night, the summer-winter, the whole of life is rhythmic. So watchfulness cannot be a continuity. One should not strive for it. It is foolish, and it can create a neurosis! It can create cancer, tuberculosis, and it can create many things, because you strain too much.
So just let it be a natural rhythm. Sometimes you forget; that means it is exhalation. When you remember it is inhalation. And then it becomes very simple… very simple, child-like. And when you start enjoying it, forgetfulness, remembering, forgetfulness, remembering… And both are good. because the forgetfulness gives you respite and rest that is needed, it prepares you again to remember.
So walking, eating, sitting, just be watchful, but in a playful mood, with the body. And the same has to be done with the mind. Sometimes sitting silently, just watch. And that watching has not to be with a staring inside – with very relaxed eyes. One is simply sitting, a thought passes by – one looks at it.

V: Yes, because when I look at it, it stops.

O: No, you must be straining. If you strain, then it stops. Let it float, it has its own right to be. Let it float just as clouds float in the sky. Just watch. So, watchfulness without any tension in it. That′s why I am not using the word attention, because it has tension in it.

V: Yes… yes!

O: Just an unfocused watchfulness. So whatsoever it is, one is looking at it. There is no desire to stop, because if you are desiring to stop it you cannot watch it. The very desire becomes again a subtle identification – you are afraid of the thought. There is no need to be afraid. The thought is the thought, you are you. The thought is not hindering you. The clouds are moving in the sky. The thoughts are moving in the mind. The thoughts are as far away from you as clouds, and they have nothing to do with you. In fact they are not even yours – they are just passing. That′s why one thought comes, another comes, and sometimes you will become aware that if you are with a certain person a certain type of thought enters in you, mm? Because that person is constantly broadcasting. So they are not exactly yours; thoughts are collective.
The society exists in an atmosphere of thoughts just as air is social. Mm? I breathe out, you breathe in. You breathe out, I breathe in. One thought passes my head, it enters in your head, it passes into somebody else′s head and it goes on.
So nothing to be worried about. You are not to stop it. Simply watch, and in a very relaxed, calm, quiet mood. And learn to sit silently. Whenever you can find time, just relax in the chair – no need for any posture. The only thing to be remembered is that you are at ease. Any posture that makes you at ease, at home, is good. So just relax, just close your eyes, and just be.
By and by you will see you are neither the society, nor the body, nor the mind. And then a new sensation… a new feeling of being arises, and you know you are this. Not that you make that type of statement inside – no. It simply arises existentially: ′Now this is me.′
This witnessing, this consciousness, is our innermost core. And all the religions have been working to achieve this state. Many people try but miss, because they try too hard. That is the problem with Krishnamurti – trying too hard… making it such a problem. People are already burdened with problems, and you bring another problem, and an almost impossible problem too. And Krishnamurti goes on hammering on their heads, and becomes angry too… rages!

V: Yes – he′s very austere.

O: But that is not going to help anybody. Life is playful… God is playful. And one comes closer to God as one becomes more playful.
So mix with people here, change to orange, forget your past for the days you are here. Dance, meditate – but everything has to be done absolutely non-seriously. Sincerely, yes! – but seriously, no.

V: I understand.

O: And enjoyment, delight, has to be imbibed. Laughter has to be learned and enjoyment in small things: drinking a cup of tea, talking to a friend, holding hands with a stranger or just sitting looking at the sky. Life is marvellous! And if we miss, only we are responsible – nobody else.
And all that man needs to be happy is available. All that man needs to be happy is always available. You just have to relax and enjoy it and participate in it. So let celebration be the only rule!
And I would like you to do a few groups here. A few groups will be very helpful.

V: Okay. Whatever you say.

O: And have you done any groups?

V: No. I put my name down for Rolfing.

O: Rolfing is good, mm? Do that, and book for Encounter 4th to 10th. Your dates are not yet certain, when you will be leaving?

V: No. Maybe 5th, but I′m trying to stay for the eleventh (Osho′s birthday).

O: Be here! Eleventh is not to be missed (laughter).

V: Okay!

O: And now I can order you – you are my sannyasin! (laughter) Mm?

V (grinning cheerfully): Okay!

O: So book for Encounter, 4th to 10th, and these days you are here just mix with people and dance and enjoy… And forget everything.

(The Shadow of the Whip (a Darshan Diary) #8)

Copyright© OSHO International Foundation

You can read the entire book online at the Osho Library.

Many of Osho’s books are available online from and in the U.S. from OshoStore-Sedona and Osho Here and Now.

From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a Bodhisattva

Hardbound edition released!
I am happy to announce that the hardbound edition of the book that Amido and I created, From Lemurs to Lamas is now available.
All told there are four different versions to choose from: by far the hardbound is the nicest with many color photos bringing to life the words on the pages; the paperback edition with b&w photos; the Kindle e-book, and for those friends in the U.S. there is even a deluxe paperback edition also with color photos.
Whichever edition that you choose I do hope that you enjoy the journey, From Lemurs to Lamas. Love.

From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a Bodhisattva is a travelogue of the heart, a diary of the soul, and a handbook for meditation. Combining From Lemurs to Lamas with the author’s second book, Here to Now and Behind, and adding some new content, makes this a collection of stories, essays, poems, and insights spanning more than fifty years of inquiry.

The book first relates stories of the mysteries of life and travels on an overland journey through Africa, Madagascar, Nepal, and India, finally arriving at the Shree Rajneesh Ashram in Poona. There are stories of the magic of Being in the Poona ashram, the opening of a Rajneesh Meditation Center in the heart of the USA, and the transformation of living life to its fullest in Osho’s Rajneeshpuram, Oregon commune of Wild Wild Country fame.

In addition to the stories of the journey to Osho, and life in his communes, the book relates stories of meeting several masters, teachers, and misfits, including: the 16th Karmapa, Jean Klein, U.G. Krishnamurti, and Vimala Thakar.

Layered throughout the book are essays, poems, insights, and photos that have occurred along the Way, on this journey, Here to Now and Behind.

From the Foreword:

As the editor of From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a Bodhisattva, I have had the pleasure of reading this book several times, from varying perspectives. I coined the term ‘mediting’ to describe attempts to really get to the meaning of the more potent essays. Before I could even attempt to consider what little tweaks I could make to optimize readability and comprehension, I had to first accept the invitation to consider a slew of questions that occur on the pathless path.

Purushottama from at an early age experiences the futility of a life spent in the material world, the outer world where ambition, wealth, power, etc. beckon. He has a glimpse of the riches found in the interior, through grace, through LSD, through discovering a heart connection with Meher Baba. This prompts a leap into the unknown – into a life of more immediate experience – embarking on a journey that took him to India where he met the living master he sought.

From Lemurs to Lamas details the insights that occur in all stages of his life. Descriptions of life in the Buddhafield that emanated from Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, later named Osho, evoke the very presence itself, the magic and the melting. Every aspect of life in the ashram in Poona, India, and later at the ranch in Oregon — from the therapy groups to the actual assigned job to interactions with fellow workers and bosses, not to mention daily discourses and occasional darshans – supported a deeper understanding and an opening of the heart.

The second section of this book distinctly turns from out to in. The gifts of the master and commune have been embraced and internalized. Now Purushottama finds the inner guru. His musings, poetic expressions, aphorisms, and essays are compelling. He thoroughly examines the questions that arise from his inward exploration, for example, what is turning in.  With impeccable logic he uncovers the meaning of I am not the body. He acknowledges the human desire to help others and illuminates the pitfalls of such intent.

The most significant overarching theme, however, is the steady encouragement for each of us to begin the journey, or to pick it up again if it has paused, that permeates these essays. He so clearly conveys that in meditation one is always beginning for it is the reverse of accumulation. Wherever we are on the journey is the place to begin.


Now available in four editions.

There are many ways you can read From Lemurs to Lamas, the newly released hardbound edition, two paperback versions and the Kindle e-book. Not all of the editions are available in every market. All of the editions are available in the United States. To see which editions are available elsewhere check these Amazon sites:;;;;;;;;;

Just released hardbound edition!

Hardbound edition now available in the U.S. and E.U.


Paperback edition


Kindle E-Book








And for our friends in the U.S. there is also a deluxe paperback edition with color photos.

special color photo Paperback edition


If these editions are not available to you in your country or if you feel that you cannot afford to buy a copy, here you can download a PDF copy of From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a BodhisattvaEnjoy!



From Meher Baba to Osho with Love

As the rickshaw pulled to a stop, I looked up and read the sign at the top of the gate – Shree Rajneesh Ashram. Quite a large fellow with a German accent (Haridas) greeted me and I heard myself say, “I’m not where I was going, but I’m sure I am in the right place.” At the Poona train station, I had told the rickshaw driver, “Sai Baba Ashram, not Rajneesh Ashram.” He responded, “Yes, yes, baba.” Mistakenly I had been told there was a Sai Baba Ashram as well as a Rajneesh Ashram in Poona and so I thought I would be able to visit both but had decided to start with the Sai Baba Ashram.

As soon as I stepped out of the rickshaw – I knew there had been no mistake. After only a day or so, I went to the front office and asked Arup for a Sannyas Darshan. In fact, I showed her I already had a mala; I just needed Bhagwan’s photo attached. I arrived wearing a Tibetan mala I had bought from Tibetan refugees in Pokhara, Nepal, and all green Indian clothes. Later I heard Osho say green was the color of the Sufis. I looked Arup straight in the eye and asked if she couldn’t see I was already a sannyasin. She was not impressed and so I was instructed to do the meditations.

My first exposure to meditation was through Meher Baba. Interestingly enough, in the book Dimensions Beyond the Known, Osho says Meher Baba and he had used the same meditation technique. It had been seven years earlier, while selling Kansas City Free Press newspapers on a street corner on the Country Club Plaza, that I had been introduced to Meher Baba. An older fellow named Charlie walked up to me and started telling me about him. We walked over to a coffee shop and I learned about this modern-day Master who was from Poona, India, and who had dropped his body six months earlier.

My connection to Meher Baba was totally a heart connection. I had tried to read his book God Speaks but was unable to take it in. I had totally forgotten Meher Baba was from Poona, but it was the connection to Meher Baba that took me to Poona, both for the Shree Rajneesh Ashram and looking for the Sai Baba Ashram. The interest in Sai Baba stemmed mostly from the fact one of Meher Baba’s Masters was Sai Baba of Shirdi and this current Sai Baba was proclaiming to be a reincarnation of him.

While staying at the Sunder Lodge, I met a beautiful German sannyasin named Gatha and we established a nice connection. After being in Poona for some time, she asked me how I was feeling. I remember telling her, “I’m more in love than I have ever been in my life.” I felt I was swimming in love. When I told her of my meeting with Arup, she suggested I go with her and see Laxmi who was a friend of hers and also Arup’s boss. Because Enlightenment Day was nearing, the soonest I could get an appointment for a Sannyas Darshan was March 28th, exactly one week after Osho’s Enlightenment Day celebration on March 21st.

On the day of the celebration of Osho’s Enlightenment I was aware of the anticipation of the unknown. I had only seen Osho in discourse and had not had a darshan (a face-to-face meeting with him with only a small group present) so I really did not know what to expect but could feel a heightened energy around. I also remember consciously taking myself inwards. I wanted to be as present as possible for that first meeting. I spent the entire day not meditating but “being” meditation. I was aware of all the emotions, thoughts, and even body sensations that were visiting but I stayed anchored in that heart space where one is just being.

I believe 1976 was the last year that Celebration Darshans were held in Chuang Tzu Auditorium before moving to the much larger space of Buddha Hall. In that time on Celebration Days, people filed into Chuang Tzu past Bhagwan for darshan. I remember standing in the queue which was long and stretched out towards the front gate. We began lining up in daylight but it was dark before I finally arrived at Osho’s chair. Music was playing during the entire time. As I  neared the entrance to Chuang Tzu, a beautiful female voice was singing Elton John’s “Love Song,” so appropriate as I was sinking deeper and deeper into heartfulness.

   “Love is the opening door
    Love is what we came here for
    No one could offer you more
    Do you know what I mean
    Have your eyes really seen.”

Just as my space in the line reached the entrance to Chuang Tzu, the music changed dramatically and became high energy drumming. This increased the excitement and anticipation tenfold. It still was not possible to actually see Osho because of the crowd in front.

Finally, I arrived and it was my turn to approach Osho. What followed I still see as if looking through a dream. It was as if some body memory took over. In front of him I bowed down and touched his feet, and then my body made motions as if it was pouring water from his feet to my head and this happened several times, then my hands folded in Namaste. When my hands touched, it was as if a circuit had been completed and I felt what can only be described as a powerful electric current circulating between my hara (area around the navel) and my hands clasped in front. My body then went limp but I did not lose consciousness and simply watched what unfolded. The same German sannyasin I had met at the gate on my arrival was there, Haridas. He slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes (but very lovingly), carried me out of the auditorium and placed me outside the gate on the ground to gather myself. I had met my Master, a living Buddha.

My sannyas darshan was still one week away and as one could imagine I didn’t know what to expect. Would it be even more powerful? As it turned out it was rather anticlimactic. I followed two Americans who received the names Milarepa and Marpa. Then it was my turn – he told me my name, Swami Prem Purushottama, and asked if it would be easy to pronounce. He said, “Prem means love and Purushottama means God. So, love of God or God of love.” He then asked how long I would be staying and that was it.

To this day, I do not know what the “current” experience was, perhaps some of our Indian friends can explain, but to me it was my true initiation.

Hence, in some ways I have two sannyas birthdays. Somehow by keeping it to myself all these years, it has not been able to be what it is, just another naturally ordinary experience with the extraordinary. Now I set it free.

Thank you, Osho. Your Enlightenment that took place so many years ago made each of our own experiences possible. Your sannyasins are eternally grateful.

A few days after my sannyas darshan, I walked out of Sunder Lodge and made a right turn. Up to that time, I had always turned left. The first building I came to was a memorial to Meher Baba. All the while, I had been staying next door to the Guru Prasad Apartments which is the spot where Meher Baba held his East-West Gatherings. At that moment Meher Baba and Osho were One. Tears of gratitude flowed down my cheeks. Buddham Sharanam Gachchhami.


This is from the collection of stories, essays, poems and insights that is compiled to form the book From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a Bodhisattva. Order the book Here.



%d bloggers like this: