Could dry leaves really be falling at such a young age? I am thirty, and I enjoy sex when it comes, though I don’t come so often. I don’t feel I am holding something down; on the contrary, I find I usually have to hold it up.
Beloved Osho, it now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night. Am I missing, or is it missing?
Nityanando, this is the difference between the Eastern evolution of consciousness and the Western mind.
In the East, to get rid of sex is a blessing; in the West, it is the ultimate calamity, it is dying before death. The day one starts feeling that his sexual energy is getting down, he starts counting days—that death is not far away.
In the East, the day one gets beyond sex, he rejoices—the earlier the better – because now the time has come to grow into a new dimension, into freedom from biology, into freedom from body, into freedom from mind. It is the beginning of the experience of your innermost self.
Sex is continuously taking you away from yourself. Whether you are a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter: sex takes you away from yourself. The moment sex is not there, there is no drive to go away from yourself. You start settling within.
So, Nityanando, old leaves are really falling because new leaves want to grow. And old leaves have to go and give space for new experiences, new spaces. It is a blessing—don’t take it according to the Western, rotten mind.
The West has everything, but it has forgotten itself. And once you are no longer aware of yourself, then sex becomes the ultimate reality. In the West, sex is God. Sex is now the only God worshiped in the West. But sex simply means you are no longer independent: you depend for your happiness, for your joy, on somebody else—and that dependence is the greatest misery.
It is not incidental that men and women, husbands and wives, are continuously quarreling. Even if they are not quarreling, they are in the mood, and the reason is that nobody wants deep down to be dependent on the other. It brings many other diseases by the side: if you are dependent on the woman you love, you will be jealous, you will be continuously watchful… you will start becoming a detective, a CIA, a KGB, an FBI agent, upon your own wife! You will put your children on alert: Be careful, when I am away… what happens in the house.
Why this jealousy…? The fear is that perhaps she may start loving someone else. And the fear is natural, because you are starting to think of other women: why should she not think of other men? This is a natural corollary that goes on in both the minds. So she goes on detecting you, she goes on looking into your letters, she goes on searching into your pockets, any address, any phone number…
One night a phone rang, and as the bell was ringing Mulla Nasruddin went there, said “Okay,” and put it down.
The wife said, “Who was there?”
He said, “It was nobody. I have just been unnecessarily disturbed by someone phoning on the wrong number.”
The wife said, “What is the number from where the phone came?”
These kind of things go on continuously in every house, because the wife has already read the number in his diary. And when he quoted the number, the wife said, “Don’t lie to me that it was a wrong number. This is your diary, and this is the number…. Now tell me, what is her name?” — now it is no more his, now it is her: “Tell me, what is her name?” Under pressure — and every husband is under pressure — “her name is Kamala… but this is only the name of a horse. And because it is the season of horse racing and I’m thinking to go to the races tomorrow….”
The next morning again the phone rang, and Mulla was standing by it. The wife said, “Wait. This time I will take the call” — and she listened and told Mulla, “Come on, your horse is calling!” It is very difficult… one of the most difficult things is to deceive your wife. But man goes on making his efforts, and is defeated continuously. […]
Nityanando, let the dry leaves fall. You are fortunate that they are falling at thirty. And they are falling at thirty because, as I say, if you live intensely, totally, then the year forty-two… it is only the average, and in existence nothing is average. It all depends on you: there are people who will be at the age of ninety and still thinking of nothing but sex. All other things are finished… the only thing left is sex. That continues to the very end of their life, because they never lived it intensely; they have spread a thin layer of sexuality over all their life. If you live intensely, it is going to disappear sooner.
The thirtieth year is perfectly the right time that sex leaves you — because you are from the West — at least fifty to sixty years to work upon yourself, to find yourself, and to find the innermost mysteries of existence. In fact, now begins the real life; up to now you were a slave. Now, boundaries are dropping and the whole sky is becoming available to you with all its stars.
But in the West it is certainly a very difficult problem. The whole conditioning of centuries has brought man to such a state that sex seems to be everything: it is money, it is power, it is position. Everything is sacrificed for sex, and everything is achieved only for sex.
Nobody bothers that sex is not your reality, sex is not love, and nobody even bothers whether you are getting anything out of it or not. What are you getting out of it? — it is almost like people smoking cigarettes: one wonders why they are smoking, and once in a while they also wonder why. But just a habit… and it is only a mental habit. Sex is a biological habit, very deep-rooted.
You say, “It now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night.” That’s why – you did well. Soon it will take you twenty-four hours to do what you used to do the whole night!
Now, try to understand: you have lost the infatuation and the foolishness and the slavery, and this is the time to start meditating. If you cannot meditate now, then when will you be meditating? I will not prevent you… once in a while you can have your sex, but it will become more and more sparse.
There is a saying in Tibet: If you feel tired, lie down. If you feel energetic, move over.
But first, feel whether you are energetic, otherwise it is better to lie down.
And from me the advice is:
If you do not know what to do, at least laugh.
Grandma was in her eighties. She tired easily, had little appetite, and was sometimes confused mentally. Her son called the gynecologist, who arrived shortly and was shown up to Grandma’s room, where he examined her thoroughly. Half an hour later he came down.
“There is no need to worry,” he explained. “There is nothing really wrong with her except her age. She will be alright.”
The son was very relieved and went upstairs to see her. “Well, mother,” he asked, “how did you like the gynecologist?”
“So that was the gynecologist?” she said. “My god, I thought he acted very familiar for a priest.”
Priests and monks and saints, Nityanando, are in more difficulty than you think you are, because the time when they could have been deeply into sex is gone. Now only the thought goes on and on like a continuous record. And the needle of the record has stuck at sex; it does not move from there.
Ronald Reagan gets into bed with Nancy. Ronnie is feeling very horny, so he turns to
Nancy and says, “Oh, Nancy, I would like to launch my missile into your Gulf.”
Nancy says, “Oh, Ronnie, you are so romantic, but you have not been able to bring your missile up since the Second World War.”
Ronnie pleads, “But Nancy, I think I can do it if you would only have faith in me.”
Nancy replies, “But honestly, Ron, it has been so long since we made war that I would not know where to begin.”
Frustrated, Ronnie says, “God, I hate peace!”
Don’t be an old fool. And if you can become wise while you are young, just thirty, thank God. Be grateful to existence that he is allowing you so much time to explore much that is not available to any other animal, which is only available to man. And the more time you have to explore it, the deeper will be your insight, the greater will be your consciousness and tremendous will be your splendor. You will not die an ugly death; you will die with a grace and with a smile on your face.
A life that cannot reach to enlightenment has been a sheer waste. It is good that your thirty years were passed in the West. Thirty years in the East are bad luck; thirty years in the West are good luck, but good luck only if after thirty years you can come into contact with the Eastern mysteries. Then you have more chances than the Eastern counterpart, because the Eastern counterpart has been repressing sex, so it will not be possible for him to meditate at the age of thirty. If he can manage to meditate even at the age of sixty, it will be a surprise.
It is a tremendously fortunate moment, at least for my people, because the East is so orthodox, so traditional, so blind, so deaf, that they will not hear me. They can hear Morarji Desai and even can start drinking their own urine. That is possible because for centuries they have been drinking the urine of the cows, so in fact it is better to drink your own—self-sufficiency! Why be dependent on a cow? And who knows what kind of dirty water she has been drinking? As far as I know Morarji Desai has no need of any water. The same water goes on circulating, so naturally he never falls sick, because infections are difficult, pollution is difficult….
But they will not listen to me. They cannot listen to any reasonable, logical, scientific truth.
So it is a very strange situation. I am here in the East, but my people are going to be from the West, because only the Western youth can understand. Sex has become futile, he has lived with too many women; drugs have become useless, he has known too much… now what else? There seems to be nothing around which can keep the youth in the West interested, intrigued, still feeling that life may have some significance.
All the modern, contemporary Western philosophers are talking about one thing only: meaninglessness. And they appeal to the Western youth because he can see himself: it is not a question to be convinced about, to be argued—he has lived everything and he finds everything falls flat sooner or later. He has lived with many women; the woman has lived with many men. They are all alike… you have just to put the light off! The question is only whether the light is on or off; that much difference and the most beautiful woman or the most ugly woman are the same.
Because they have known many women and many men, the hope that still can be helpful in the East is no more for them. In the East everybody is caught up with one woman, and that means monotony. People call it monogamy, but that is not the right word. They are so fed up with the woman, the woman is so fed up with the man, but there is no other way. It is a lifelong contract.
So they go on hoping that, perhaps what my wife does not have, other women have; what my husband is not able for, other people seem to be able…. But in the West, that hope has died. People have tried and found that it is all nonsense; every woman has the same physiology, the difference is just superficial. Every man has the same physiology, and everything comes to the same end.
Then they tried marijuana, they tried hashish, they tried transcendental meditation. Now they are trying yogic flying and making themselves so foolish. But what to do?—they have to do something, otherwise life seems to be empty.
Nityanando, you are fortunate that life need not be empty for you. If sex is going, say goodbye to it. It was good when it was there; it is better when it is gone. Now begins a totally different space of experiencing. Now begins a new adventure, more free, more individual, more unfettered. And the sky is so vast to explore… and on each step there are miracles and miracles.
So sing and dance and meditate. And life is immensely beautiful: it has all that Gautam Buddha experienced and more, because twenty-five centuries have passed; man has become far more mature, and evolution has gone higher. We can produce greater Gautam Buddhas with more dimensions to them.
In the past it was thought that a man can only experience himself or God, which are only different names, if he tortures himself. That was a primitive idea.
I give you a sophisticated, cultured version, the latest edition: there is no need to torture yourself—it is absolutely absurd! You can be blissful, you can be ecstatic; you can be meditative, comfortably. I don’t see the connection that you can be meditative sitting in a bullock cart but you cannot be meditative sitting in a Rolls Royce. If you can be meditative sitting on a camel, then why can’t you be meditative flying in a jumbo jet—which is far more comfortable, far more silent, far more peaceful.
Have you ever tried sitting on an animal like a camel? Sex is exactly like that! It is the ugliest vehicle…. I have suffered it; I’m not saying it without experience. And those two, three hours I was on a camel, I said, “My god, whether I’m going to survive or not…” Life has gone on—in spite of all hindrances from politicians, from priests, from traditionalists, from the orthodox. Life has gone on, although it could have gone far faster if all these hindrances were not there. But still, after twenty-five hundred years we are in a position to create better Gautam Buddhas, better Mahaviras. We know much more about human physiology, we know much more about human biology, we know much more about human sexuality.
The ancient most book on sex was written in India; that was Vatsyayana’s Kamasutras, sutras on sex. But looking at it, it looks as if a child is writing about sex. After Sigmund Freud and Masters and Johnson, and after so many discoveries in biology, in genetics, we are in such a position that we can create far greater giants of enlightenment, awareness, illumination. But if you are feeling too much attached to that which is gone, then your life will be a life of misery, continuously thinking of something which you cannot do. It is up to you.
Being my sannyasin, I don’t think you will accept this despair. Less than ultimate ecstasy is not our concern.
From The Great Pilgrimage: From Here to Here, Discourse #11
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