Before, there was a “me” and I was totally identified with this “me.” There was no separation at all. The me and I were one and the same. I felt that I was the “me.” There was no experience of I that was not “the me”.
Through meditation a seeing has arisen which is separate from the “me.” Let’s call it the “seeing I.” This “seeing I” can watch the me, see its arising and see its dissolving. There are moments when the “me” is absent and yet the “seeing I” remains. The “me” is seen within this seeing. And yet many times this seeing still gets entangled with the “me” and only the “me” is present. And then, a remembering, and the “me” is once again seen by the seeing.
It becomes clear from watching this changing landscape that the “me” is not necessary when the “seeing I” is present. And it also becomes clear that there may come a time when no “me” exists at all and only seeing.
But for now it is a time for watching all the ins and outs of the “me,” a time for watching all of its comings and goings. And the more there is seeing these comings and goings, these ins and outs of the “me,” the more the “seeing I” is present.
See related post Awakening Before Enlightenment.
This post is from a collection of essays, stories, insights and poems that have occurred to me along the Way titled From Lemurs to Lamas: Confessions of a Bodhisattva.